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lyrics
remain, fadestay wit umermaid courtfamily treenear ur heartalone
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remain, fade
Character testing
I’ve gotta stick to this plan and just exit
I swear I did what I thought was the best thing
So if I act like it’s cool I’m regressing
Of course it was too soon to call you my bredrin
And of course trauma bonds were invested (duh!)
Then all my mistrust it gained interest
But were we stock taking or breaking bread?
It’s kinda cruel when i’m recalling us texting
But Meli said it’s cool, so it’s cool, I’m blessy
I doubt my thoughts, so our talks are a blessing
It’s kinda cruel when I recall what I’ve been left with
Now we’ve fought I think it’s cool, I get the message
Two fools all tooled up in a bedsit
Place all torn up, fucked, how could I let it, get this?
I think it’s best I get to stepping
You’ve lost your knack for rhetoric
Staying is believing
That we’re both in it for the same thing
Remain anyway, fading away
Back in this bitch like I never left, wrong turn
I’m sure my babies would concur
That you’ve been messing up my head like a long perm
Thirty years, that’s a long burn
It’s just this feeling that I’m not heard
Stuck in an encore long term
Yet another caged songbird
I keep saying that I’m not hurt
But I’m certain I’m hurting
I’m certain it’s curtains
I’m certain I’m flirting
you’re wutless, I'm worthless
This was love as I’d learnt it
But when your words they crush me in cursive
And you push me to this place
Where the cutlass looks perfect
I’m certain I’m cutting, I'm gone
Lord I never earnt this
Bleak and wretched, cursed
Belly of the beast where I can’t be assertive
Reason felt hopeless, I used to be nervous
’til Camus came along and affirmed this absurdist
Staying is believing
That we’re both in it for the same thing
Remain anyway, fading away
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stay wit u
Running from the people and the places I know
Looking for a reason and a place to call home
Look I know I shouldn’t stay, but I beg you let me lay ere
Spend a day ere, maybe runaway ere
It’s either stay with you or stay with my thoughts
Did you know?
That I was young, I was weak, I was sold
You were a freak, I was meek, and you were bold
Look I wanted it all, I let all of my parts unfold
Get stoned and we’d touch, tour parts unknown
In our home I could’ve sworn you knew it all
Then I tried to heed, all your calls, on my own
Life got deep, things were bleak and you were cold
Man I couldn’t believe, you really asked me not to chat on the phone
Couldn’t breathe, couldn’t flee, wouldn’t last on my own
Wasn’t free from the evil that I ran away from
I was stuck
Running from the reasons for the ways that I go
Looking for a people and a place to call my own
Look I know I shouldn’t stay, but I beg you let me lay ere
Spend a day ere, maybe runaway ere
It’s either stay with you or stay with my thoughts
Did you know?
That for a moment, it’s a dream
We’re alone, you and me
Unbeholden to a team
I was yours to hold
Yours to keep
Yours to mould
Yours to knead
Yours to scold
Yours to teach
Yours to own
You had me sleeping on the floor
Kept threatening you’d leave
But your feet just wouldn’t
Knew what to say for you to keep this woman
I was deep in cousin
I said, I was insecure about my features
So you wrote a thesis on ‘em
Repeated cussing
Frequent, you’d keep it coming
Until I was feeling nothing
Then you’d turn round
And give me the sweetest loving
Man I need some deeper discussions
Need to hear my Nan all ah preaching or suttin
I love her, you love him, there’s steep repercussions
And keeping it hush will just breed these eruptions
I thought it was love, but what if it wasn’t?
I thought it was love, but it really wasn’t
Fool, this is war, this is grief, it’s abhorrent
It’s long, I’m gone
Cause here there is no romance like Mica and Tirzah
So when I say baby I’m hurt
It’s only making it worse
And of course then I say I’m a burden
Maybe I’m cursed or a very sick person
Meek, weak and uncertain
Beat down to a bleaker version
And, you just wanna fight like Durden
When all I do is write like Hurston
So yes there is a cause for concern you’re discerning
Since my jaws been rocking not gurning
The door stops knocking, I’m learning
Still got a job and I’m earning
So thank god, that means a damn lot
Me and my laptop, moved to Totty
It was feeling like a stand off
Hands off hands off
Chop like Van Gogh
You said sorry, but the sorry wasn’t that soft
It weren’t that soft
Man, it’s lonely
Rolling in this city, this big city, solo
Gotta say yolo
I was in Five Miles, didn’t go Soho
Ended up at Five Miles, didn’t go Soho
I was at Five Miles, didn’t go Soho
Until my own thoughts had me in a chokehold
It was all small talk, it was all photos
It was a whole Heap of things that you don’t show
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mermaid court
I just wanna quieten the noise
Looking for the easiest way out the void
Started by choice
Now I just march to that voice, spark and rejoice
With Meli and Nadz in the car
Then the boys pulled up, full up ah noise
Ruckus did run then the toy turned up
But frankly it was just one of them nights
Grew between a couple in fights
I’m telling ya there were some troublesome times
Shit make you waan cover ya eye
When I could, then I dust, did a runner to Ize
Since then been a sucker for hype
I’m telling ya, I really felt stuck in that life
Man, I said wheel up, might need to look at that twice
Weren’t ready for dat there advice
They weren’t steady, but damn they were right
The burns levied, sweet returns buried
Sad fair goodbyes, fam where was I?
Running for years, running fatigued
Green lanes with the girls and we’re scuffing police
Back at the flat and we’re cutting up trees
Hating all the things that we couldn’t have been
JC said that he’s worried for me
But there’s nothing to see here, there’s nothing to see
I walked these streets like four D of E’s
And burned that bush for my portion of ease
Home weren’t sweet as it ought to have been
And the nuclear dream ain’t all that it seems
One son one daughter, caught up between
One eedyat king, tryna slaughter the queen
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family tree
Smoke tree with my family tree
Slow speed, hand it to me
Swore all this green was balancing me
But of course I’m lean, sad as can be
Never thought I’d fiend, as bad as it’s been
Forced sleep, sat in this dream
Walls weep, back at this scene
Where small talk and grief are vanishing me
Born free, what d’you manage to keep?
Small piece when we happened to flee
Tall feat when you’re grappling weak
And so we pull deep on cannabis leaf
Torn sheets and battered beliefs
Man, I wore sweet cause Nan asked me for peace
I walk street cause I’m grasping for heat
We all speak but you ain’t asking for deets
So mi nuh bother!
Is family just some code that you honour?
In court I was lonely your honour
Pitchforks and holier horror
I’ve seen war expose who you follow
Jaw teeth can’t open and swallow
Draw deep and hope that I’m coping, I wanna believe
I ain’t broken your honour
Dishonesty eats
I’m sorry I’m me, I promised you peace
But all I waan see is us stop with the secrets
Lies and pretence
These frightful features
That slyly bind and bleed us
I’d cry for jesus
But I’ve seen the kindest teachers
And righteous preachers
Try mislead us
So why would I fight to resus
What’s dying and defunct?
Like, we’re not even kinda equal
Like, when man raise hand
I must hide, all mild
Just smile and try to be small?
Not fight for my life, alright, just be cool?
What’s wrong with you kinda people?
Tell yourselves that you’re nice
But you’re kinda evil
So too damn right man
I’m kinda eeyore
And too damn right man
I’m trying to detour
Freefall
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near ur heart
Sick of running, it’s getting harder for me to come back
Sick of running, I feel pitiful and full of thunder
Sick of running, I feel distance come, I’m tryna numb that
Sick of running, stuck in the mist, is this what love crafts?
There’s a voice in my head that I push past
Since a likkle deviant teefing dust caps
I’d sneak outta tests that I could pass
Keep secrets deep for a rugrat
I’d speak, but they’d peek and push back
Reach for the belt and beat like a Stush track
It’s sticky, it’s icky, it’s just that
Oh the things that we do for love, ah?
If I’m sweet and peaches, could that
Get ya redeeming features nudged back?
Ah, it’s me repeating a dud path
Now I’m freezing, grieving the sun back
Another heathen believing in stuff that‘ll
Have you greeting and pleading for love
That’s not me, I can’t peak when I’m up fam
That’s not me, I can’t peak when I’m up
It’ll have you scheming to even stevens your luck
That shit’s been eating me up
Not been seated, breathing or sleeping enough
Feeling meagre, feeble and cruff
Stakes are steep when you keep on dealing with trust
And your feet aren’t keeping you up
Feeling it all but still not feeling enough
Can’t see from beneath I’m dust
Time out
Scared they peek and freak when they’d find out
Creep and floors will creak in my house
It can get dark indoors when it’s bright out
Didn’t know there were rules enforced
But you’ll know when they say
You better mind out
Run up on you, you better dive down
Kick up your feet, better fight now
Got a black eye now
Yes, could’ve been everything bless, coulda ital
But you’re a cunt and you’re spiteful, prideful
Dagger dagger dagger
That’s an eye full
This ain’t to die for, that’s what I thought
But I’m here ready like, I ain’t even 5’4”
Tell me that I’m mouthy, that’s what I strive for
Tell me that I’m rowdy, that’s what I bite for, I fall
The neighbours must can hear
But they’re keeping their ears and their eyes out
Well, that’s what I’ve found
Family same man
Ask me the question and ask it me right now
Can’t just lie down
Can’t just say that you care for my life now
That’s not fair
Moving like we ent been trying for time now
How do you think I’m now?
Depressed with a fine frown
Done with silence
Can’t talk properly when you’re hiding
I know you waan push me to violence
So look look, there’s my man
Family I grew up fighting
James came through like, should I light him up?
You can’t side with us
Changed my name
Like you can’t liken us
You can’t frighten I
You can’t frighten us
Ah, I’m done with tyrants
So fuck all that shit that you brought up
Done with tyrants
Talk is cheap, it’s weak it’s fraught stuff
Done with tyrants
You man only speak to distort stuff
So let’s keep it brief, I was caught up
And don’t call on me when it’s all up
Wall up, that’s a wall up
Curtains drawn and doors shut
Brick and mortared you outta the fort that I thought
So before you walk up, you better small up
I got gates too tall for you to crawl up
And this space too small for you to haul up
All that mess that you call love
All that stress that you call love
So I think it’s best you don’t call up
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alone
I been blue from the top like Joni
Kinda worried that you might stop phoning
I’m alone but I’m not quite lonely
In my room and I’m not even scrolling
I felt doom then I dropped like Tony
Found me a Melfi, shook when he helped me
Alla mi bredrin dem stuck around me
Alla mi bredrin dem stuck around me
Body tun horror, that’s Videodromey
Sitting here stoney
Blue like Leslie when misery holds me
I’m a hostage mostly
Small cost, I’m ghostly
And a lot of the spots it’s shown me
I’d glossed over how they’d rot me slowly
‘til the doc clean told me
There’s not a lot we can do
And it knocked me cold
I just feel like alot’s been stolen
And most of my lot has not been golden
And most of that lot’s what got me rolling
Back on my own like I’m lost in walden
But, still all my sheets ain’t stop need folding
These plates and their grease
Do not need soaking anymore
I’ve got faith, but I’m gonna need plenty more
Yeah, plenty more of
Learning to pace with this twenty four’s long
And it hurts that my fate is many more of
These days where I cope just to get it all wrong
Get it all wrong, yeah, get it all wrong
And I’m pushing this rock just to let it fall off
Pushing this rock just to let it fall off
Pushing this rock…
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